first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
pray to the hookup gods
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
