The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
