sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
