I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
