I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize