i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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