that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize