I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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