so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
