I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
