oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
