I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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