I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
