Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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