I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
