Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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