why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
