I'm eating all of the evidence.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
