i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
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Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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