Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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