I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize