Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
