2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
