Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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