You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize