I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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