twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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