69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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