I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
