I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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