Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
