You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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