You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So here I am, sexting at work.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
