What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
