You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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