Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
