my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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