im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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