you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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