You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
