They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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