he was CRYING into my vagina
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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