He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
