Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
