Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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