I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
