I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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