I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
