You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
