Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
