I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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