Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
