where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
