My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Randomize
