please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
