today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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