I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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