True but thats because hes a fetus.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
