we're blogging at a bar
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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