Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
