I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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