I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
