In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize