Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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